I’m great at creating content. I love to talk; I thrive on conversations.
Whether it’s writing, talking, or something else I’m decent storyteller.
It’s what lies at the ends of the conversation, story, blog post, or relational encounter where I have trouble.
I’m terrible at starting or completing a thought – so I hold back and each time a part of my heart dies.
At the beginning and in the end, I struggle. I don’t just have trouble – I flounder, I stutter – I’m like a fish flopping on the parched surface gasping for air.
I’m the guy that ends a conversation the long way rather than the short way. I’m that awkward guy who’s looking for an opportunity to live out loud but punctuates the beginnings and ends so horribly that inside it feels like fingers scratching a blackboard.
I hold back often times because I don’t always know how to start.
I share this because I’ve noticed this is probably a more common thread in more people than admit it. We focus on the things that hold us back than the things that move us forward.
We don’t pray not because we don’t know what to say but because its hard to articulate our thoughts in a way that feels yet worthy.
We put relationships at arms length not because we don’t want the communion but because we’re afraid of what the other person might require of us.
We don’t choose the path less traveled because we’re afraid of what we don’t know/understand or in some way we’re held captive by the past.
Our souls are crying out for something that we want – something that God wants for us but we hold back because we’re unwilling to encounter the passion head-on. We try to get the same results by approaching a situation from a different angle because the path of least resistance, we realize, is not always the easiest one requiring the least amount of heartache. The most direct path, the path that leads us to contentment, is not always the least dangerous. In fact, I’d argue until the night grows old that the more something is “right” for us to pursue, the harder it will get – the harder we’ll have to push and overcome adversities.
I’m a storyteller – I love communication. I love dissecting it, I love pursuing it, I love the joy it brings me when I can help others understand who they are by simply talking and listening. That said, it’s not easy and sometimes downright difficult to bridge the gaps between myself and others. Communication is not easy, it is obstinately difficult.
I’ve realized that when my passion – any passion – is surrounded on the bookends by challenges and difficulty, I can’t deny my heart – I can’t deny God the joy that my passion brings. A part of me dies when I don’t live out who God made me to be.
We have to be willing to accept and embrace those difficult bookends (whether in the form of trials, challenges, awkwardness, etc.), moving closer to the center of God’s will for each us. God uses these moments to shape and transform us – starting with the heart and working outward – however, it’s a direction we must choose.
When you face difficulty and challenge square in the face, Christ is with you – God does not abandon.
Push on – embrace those moments when you flop and flail. You’re not alone. Through adversity, your heart will be filled and your passions met with contentment.